Over the past six months, I've spent a lot of time re-evaluating my creative life and my family life. Being a mom of three instead of two, with a baby in the mix has definitely changed our routine and my freedom to create. But I started to realize that it wasn't the change in our family dynamic that was stifling my creativity. I am actually my own worst enemy.
I realized that I was spending more time looking for inspiration than actually creating. And I had painted myself into a little box where I was stuck creating what I thought people expected to see from me, instead of what I actually felt like creating in the moment.
I spent more time thinking about what I should create next than actually creating anything. I spent hours planning. Possible blog posts, what to post on my Facebook page, what I wanted to list in my Etsy shop next, what I was going to create for the magazine and what I should teach at The Art Studio.
My mind was whirling 24/7 but my hands never got a chance to do anything. And I had to take a step back. Actually, a few steps back. I made the decision to leave the magazine and decided that I would not be teaching at The Art Studio. I decided it was time to stop looking for inspiration and just start creating what mattered to me. I decided to stop trying to define my style and just have fun.
During this whole internal creative struggle, the one thing that I absolutely knew was that going forward, I wanted to focus on authenticity. Being true to who I am and letting other people see me without filtering myself, my art or my life. Because I am actually pretty awesome, even if I am a little weird :)
Quite a few years ago I started on this amazing creative journey and I've enjoyed every minute of it.
But I'm not entirely proud of the fact that a lot of my creativity has been forced - catered to the needs of other people, whether it be creating for specific topics/magazine calls or creating class material, not because it was necessarily what I wanted to teach, but because it was what students expressed a desire to learn. And don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my time at SNR and my time as a teacher. But now it's time to focus on me and why I started creating in the first place - because it brings me peace and makes me happy. Because there's nothing I like better than sitting in my studio and just letting it happen - seeing a piece of artwork come to life under my fingertips organically.
So here I am, embarking on a new journey. One of authenticity. Keeping it real.
A recent self portrait art journal page - Luminarte Twinkling H2Os, Liquitex Soft Body Acrylics, Daler Rowney gesso, Stazon inks, Sharpie pens, handmade stencils.